Empaths often have a hard time separating someone else’s feelings and experiences from their own, resulting in taking on burdens that aren’t theirs to bear.

I fully agree that a problem shared is a problem halved, and, without sounding immodest, I have always had people, both those I know and near-strangers, open up to me, often with little prompting. I consider it a sacred honour to have someone spill their problems and innermost thoughts, and I do my best to help them with as much advice as I’m able to give without being pushy or judgemental.

But, as an empath, I have struggled to set boundaries, not for others but for myself. I welcome people needing to vent or rant or who are in need of an opinion and do my best to listen, but it has taken 37 years to finally learn how to put up mental barriers to stop myself from taking on someone else’s physical and mental feelings of stress. I try to worry less about people now, partly because I have enough worries of my own, and partly because it could be a little patronising to constantly think about someone not being capable of dealing with their own problems. The way I have done this is simple. I have taken on a new mantra that I actually used to consider cheesey and cliche until now:

Protect your peace.

I have it written at the top of my weekly planner that I look at daily as a reminder that if someone is struggling with their health or having a stressful time at work or dealing with family/friend issues, or anything besides, I can ensure I am reminding myself that, at the end of the day, it is not my problem. I don’t mean that in the harsh way that some people say, ‘well, it’s not my problem, so they shouldn’t come to me’. I mean, ‘I understand their problem and am very much willing to help, but I’m aware that it’s not my personal problem, I do not need to feel their stress and anxiety’. It’s not uncaring to take care of yourself whilst helping others. You can help them bear their burdens and lighten the load, but you don’t have to let it weigh you down, too.

It also helps if I am dealing with someone difficult, such as any problematic students I may encounter. I remind myself to let the little things go and not let them rile me up, because otherwise I go home with it weighing on me and sometimes it stops me from enjoying my free time. I worry about repercussions if I get too annoyed or anxious about having them in my class again. Instead, I’m reminding myself to protect my peace by trying to be calmer and remembering what to actually care about.

Empathy is a gift but it doesn’t have to be a curse. Maybe saying protect your peace comes across as a platitude (I have certainly always turned my nose up at it as silly, unachievable nonsense), but now I get it. It really is a good reminder for all empaths, that your peace matters as much as those who are looking for theirs but qho need your help in finding it.